


Writing on the Wall

by brooklyn1967



Category: Phan, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), dan and phil
Genre: Dan Howell - Freeform, Highschool AU, If You Squint - Freeform, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Phan - Freeform, Phil Lester - Freeform, kinda sad, really small, suggested deperession, v small
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-26
Updated: 2015-09-26
Packaged: 2018-04-23 13:19:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4878388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brooklyn1967/pseuds/brooklyn1967
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan writes on the wall and someone replies</p>
            </blockquote>





	Writing on the Wall

**Author's Note:**

> So I have wrote another thing aka Brooke writes about her existential crisises and it’s lazy and I haven’t checked for mistakes or anything and it incredibly cheesy but maybe you’ll enjoy it
> 
> TW: v brief suggestion of suicide but only if you squint, existential crisis, suggestion of depression but not obviously

The thing was no one ever went into the boys toilets that were at the end of the hall on the second floor of Dan’s school. In fact, they hardly got cleaned either because no one ever went in there. Except Dan, of course.

Dan was fine. He spent his lunch break in these toilets which had a weird smell to them and never had toilet roll or soap and the water came out a weird colour but he was fine. He didn’t have many friends either and was kinda sad a lot but he got through it and he was fine. And because Dan was fine and because no one ever went into these toilets what was wrong on writing in sharpie on the wall next to the mirror just be the countertop he normally sat on which was located next to the sinks.

He didn’t really know why he decided to start doing it – writing on the wall that is. He knew he had a sharpie at the bottom of his bag somewhere and he was knew no one would ever come in here so he knew the words would only ever be read by himself and he thought it could help. Help with one of his existential crises. So he wrote.

_What’s the point in having an existence, if you’re existence isn’t going to be remembered._

-

Phil normally went into the school toilets that were at the end of second floor hallway at break because he normally had to pee and it was near his art class although one of the lights never worked and the door always creaked but on this particular break time, Phil saw the words scribbled next to the mirror.

He was shocked to say the least. Not many people used these toilets – if anyone, but clearly someone had been here and to Phil, that person hadn’t seemed fine at all.

Phil, thought himself to be quite a happy person and there had once been someone in Phil’s life that had talked like the words on the walls but now that person was just a memory so Phil knew what the words could mean and wasn’t just going to leave them there.

He grabbed a biro from his bag and wrote.

_Because you effect people and you are remembered by them._

-

Of course, Dan was surprised when he saw the reply that was under his words the next day that was written in a neat(ish) blue scribble. Because Dan hadn’t thought that someone could come in here during break or before or after school because no one ever came in here at lunch. No one ever came in here, period but Dan did and if Dan did then why couldn’t anyone else.

He was more frustrated with himself over anything else because he doesn’t like other people knowing what he was thinking but now they had and they had probably laughed at them and made a snarky response as the reply.

Except they hadn’t. They had given a proper articulate response to the question (although it had meant to be rhetorical). But now what did Dan do? Ignore it? Reply? But reply saying what? Someone could read this.

_But what’s the point in dying when I’m 100 instead of tomorrow. It makes no difference because either way everyone else will die and will be forgotten along with me._

-

Phil saw the reply the next day and new that the creator was probably a regular to the crappy toilets due to his quick response that Phil was kinda hoping for, although he wouldn’t admit that to himself. The handwriting was the same to the message before and it seemed to be written in the same pen and was written under Phil’s message.

The words were sadder this time. They had also seemed to be written with more pressure applied to his pen this time and just like the time before, Phil replied.

_Because you will never know who you will save if you live one more day._

-

The conversation continued and Dan continued to be sad but fine and Phil continued to be happy but concerned.

-

_Time is just a human construction. We invented it, right? So am I really wasting time or is life going by slower than we think? Maybe, it’s going quicker than we thought and I’ve been doomed from the start._

-

_Whatever time is, it should be spent with people that make you happy, doing things that make you happy. Are you happy?_

-

_Is there such a thing as darkness or is it just an absence of light? Does loneliness exist or is it just the absence of companionship? Is sadness a thing or is it just the absence of happiness? Because if I feel like the darkness, loneliness and sadness, does that just make me an absence? A black hole?_

-

_Or does that make the absence a thing? A thing that balances the rest of it all out. So dark and light work in a perfect partnership that helps create the world, the beauty that it is. The loneliness and companionship accept each other so each one can be cherished and not taken for granted, just like the sadness and happiness._

-

The conversation went back and forth and it had been just over a month now and Phil hadn’t had time to visit the bathrooms at break like he normally did but he didn’t think anything of it when he walked in at lunch, later that day.

-

Dan heard the door creak open just as he had starting writing but he quickly dropped his pen to see who the intruder was and in the doorway Dan saw the shocked form of Phil Lester. Dan knew who Phil was, of course he did, and everyone did. Phil wasn’t exactly popular but he was like because he was kind and friendly and kind of gorgeous with his pale skin and dark hair and maybe Dan had a small crush on him and he didn’t know what to do as he saw Phil’s eyes trail from the words on the wall to the pen that was now in the sink.

“Hi.” Phil smiled after almost a minute of silence between in the two boys.

“Uh, hi?” It came out more as a question and Dan wanted to slap himself in the face for that.

“I’m Phil.” He grinned as he walked closer to Dan. “Also known as the blue pen that’s been appearing under your writing.”

“Wh-What?” Dan spluttered in response. “That-that was you?” Dan was sure he was going bright red now and Phil just let out a quiet laugh under his breath.

“Yeah, and I need to write my response, so excuse me.” Phil grabbed his pen and Dan read as he wrote.

_Wanna go out some time?_

-

A year later Dan is fine and he truly is. He still gets an existential crisis on occasion and sometimes he is still sad but most of the time he is happy. And this didn’t happen overnight. It was hard work that he had never had the energy for before and he had never realised he had needed the energy before but at least Phil gave Dan a motivation to try and be happy.

They had been dating pretty much since their encounter in the toilets and it had been a rocky road at times but now it was their last day at school and Dan had gone back to those toilets, for himself. He hated how cheesy it was but he went back to try and say goodbye to the words on the wall because all they started this, they were made in a time when Dan was very far from being fine.

Dan read his half sentence that he was writing before Phil walked in.

_But what if you never find the one to balance-_

On its own it kind of looked finished already but Dan still got out his sharpie and continued it.

_Never mind. I already have._

 

**Author's Note:**

> BE MY FRIEND! SEND PROMPTS! ANYTHING!:
> 
> Tumblr: livinginphantasia.tumblr.com  
> Twitter: @phangirldestiel
> 
> Also, kudos and comment if you enjoyed so I know to write more :)


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